Life Decisions

Ok. I know I've been gone a long time. I apologize. Life has been busy and exhausting and once I got out of the routine of writing I couldn't seem to get myself back into it. So, here I am, trying to get back in the habit of writing.

Recently I was out to eat with a friend and we were talking about the dreams we had for ourselves and how life has changed those dreams or squashed them. I told her that I've been strongly tempted lately to give up on my dream in favor or pursuing a career that has much better prospects for improving the financial situation for my family. The talents that I see in myself don't seem to easily translate into stable income, unless I happen to become famous, which we all know is not likely to occur. So, with that in mind, I've been thinking about going back to school to do something that can get me a well paying job. I don't really know what that would be. Maybe programming or web design or something in the medical field. She said, "Yeah, you could do that, but don't you think you would be miserable?"

I asked my husband what he thought, and he said, "You have only one life. You should do what's in your heart."

In theory, I agree with them. In real life, I don't think it's as simple as that. I wonder if it would be better to spend my life doing "what's in my heart" and quite possibly staying in poverty and never finding much success or spend my life in a career that maybe I don't love but gives my family a better quality of life.

Some people would say, "Do both." Well, at this point in time, I don't feel like I can. I can't work full time at my job, go to school, be mommy and wife and also find time, energy and inspiration to write. For some reason, right now I feel pressure to make a decision and choose one or the other.

Of course, I suppose that it is possible that I could write my book, get it published and end up making a good living with it, but that's not something I can bank on. Everyone knows someone who is a writer (if they aren't one themselves) and very few people can live on what they make as such. Maybe it's just my pessimistic nature, (I prefer to call it realistic, not pessimistic) but it doesn't seem like a great gamble to make.

What do you think?